1st PERIOD0:00 – Woah. That Ginette Reno can sing. Its like Luba and Celine Dion had a love child that ate Kate Smiths soul. I hope Gionta shakes her hand this time. He totally snubbed her in game 4, and that jinxed us. Cant trust dudes with goatees. Shifty. Gio can fit in the pocket of my cargo shorts. Dude is tiny. Like a doll. Like a little goateed Cabbage Patch doll.0:45 – Hope I remembered to PVR Castle. Nathan Fillion is the bomb.2:11 – LAAAAAAARRRRRRRRSSSSSS. Hamlet pops one for the boys! Score one for Denmark! Lets keep er going. When sorrows come, they come not single spies. But in battalions! Im going to celebrate with a hot dog.2:12 – Love the Danes. Danish meatballs are so good. Also, that salty black liquorice. Oh, and aquavit. And Tuborg. And Lego. I wonder how many Legos it would take to build a Lego Gio versus a Lego me?12:23 – Penalty to Weaver. Love Weaves. Played together in Florida. Degree in Communications, and a minor in virtual reality software design. And he takes pucks to the groin for a living. Great mini golfer, too. Another guy who can fit in my pocket. Dude was gonna quit and work at Timmys. Thats the most Canadian thing ever. Im afraid next puck he blocks is going to kill him, though. Tough mother. Habs got him for a 5th. They gave a player and a 7th for me. Does that make me better than Mike Weaver? Hes on the ice. Im not. These are tough questions, man.15:38 – Penalty to PK. Man, I wish I was on the ice. I havent punched anyone since April, and even then I didnt get many in. My knuckles have returned to a fleshy colour. I havent seen the inside of the quiet room since before Easter.20:00 – Coachs Corner. Grapes is wearing a suit of cherries. Whyd he switch sides with MacLean a few years back? Has that ever been explained? Thats just weird. Grapes would have me on the ice, for sure. These clips of Crosby getting mugged are disturbing. Wouldnt happen if I was on the ice for the Pens. Man, I wouldve killed in the Semenko days. And whats with all the water bottle squirting?2nd PERIOD0:00 – I wonder what Colton Orr is doing right now. I wonder if hes ever known true love.3:18 – Imma have a second hot dog. I deserve it.10:00 – Georgie and Weaves just had 3-minute shifts. THREE MINUTES. Thats how much I played during March. 10:45 – Moeners up here with me. Thought he played well last game. Sucks for him. Whos going to protect the boys? Prustys game, but kinda small. I hope Moener doesnt eat all the cheese puffs. I dont like to eat cheese puffsuntil the 2nd, and theres never enough cheese puffs. I wonder how many other Princeton grads are eating for free tonight. Rumsfeld for sure. Evan Flatow, maybe. Lorna Marsden, def. Christos Papadimitriou, no way. No fin way, man. Brooke Shields. Whatever happened to her? Suddenly Susan was aces.12:43 – Is it EM-elin or YEM-elin? Thats never been made clear to me.14:22 – I mustve put on 16 pounds sitting up here the past month. Id be hard pressed right now to play my three shifts if I was in the lineup. Damn cheese puffs.15:24 – Patches! Off the schneid! Nice pass from the kid Beaulieu, who hasnt played in almost as long as me.15:25 – Is it BO-LEE-EW or BO-LEE-UH? Thats never been made clear to me.16:08 – Seriously, though. What kind of feels does Colton Orr have?17:39 – Vanek! 3-0! Looks like Im headed to Boston. Not quite as nice a press box there. No cheese puffs.3rd PERIOD0:00 – Im pretty sure I forgot to PVR Castle. Damn. Season finale. Castle and Becketts wedding. Eddie McClintock guest starring. EDDIE MCCLINTOCK! Dude was solid inCrumbs.2:53 – Maybe Brad Marchand just needs a hug.3:12 – The playoff beards out there kinda suck. And whats with the playoff goatees on Gionta and Pleks? So wrong. My moustache is being wasted up here.5:16 – They never play Garth Brooks at the Bell Centre. Thats just bad arena work, man. Bad arena work.6:12 – Okay, one more hot dog, but thats it. Sodium is not your friend.7:19 – I hate that "Olé, Olé, Olé" song.16:03 – Man, teams pull the goalie real early nowadays. I could even score if I was out there.16:04 – Vanek again, into the empty net. Well, thats it. Were headed to Boston. Game 7. Bunch of games 7s this round. Or is it games 7, like solicitors general, and courts marshal, and attorneys general?16:14 – NBCSN gave me an assist! Gotta be the first ever playoff press-box assist! Should have put a bonus in my contract for that…19:36 – And here comes some roughness. Chara versus Weaver. Weaver looks like a little boy next to him. Like a Lego Gio. This is where I wouldve come in handy. I should be down there. Me and Moener, who hasnt had one cheese puff all night, by-the-by.20:00 – Big win. Hope Montrealers dont burn the city down in joy. Taking a hot dog for the road. Gonna google Brooke Shields and cheese puff calories when I get home. Gotta stay off Twitter, though. No Castle spoilers. Paul Kariya Jersey
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